The Girl Under the Bookcase

Everyone has a moment of shame and humiliation that they revisit now and then. A place they go back to whenever they’ve done something they wish they hadn’t. For me, that big moment occurred late in the fall of 1979 when I was 15 years old. What made this moment so memorably awful was two-fold.…

You’re probably wondering how Carlie had become so important to me so quickly. Quite simply, just like I’d done with P, I’d instantly made Carlie into my savior, my world. Before Carlie and I had become friends, I’d always liked her—even envied her. We hadn’t gone to the same school until this year, but we…

The events that led up to my unfortunate decision went like this: First, Carlie started to make plans that didn’t include me. I didn’t understand what was happening, couldn’t remember anything specific that I’d done. The story that I told myself was that it had to do with the fact that I’d become increasingly depressed…

From what I remember, I spent the rest of that day alone, avoiding my classmates, hiding my shame. I wanted to go home sick, but I didn’t dare. I felt bad enough already. As I walked to my next class, I waited for the inevitable teasing. I new what to expect: ostracized. Excommunicated. Banished.I would…